Season 5 of Acquisitions Incorporated consists of a single live episode: 'The Last Will and Testament of Jim Darkmagic I' at the 2011 PAX Prime Expo. The live event featured a musical introduction and guest act from Paul & Storm. With the same cast returning from Season Four; Chris Perkins as DM, Jerry Holkins as Omin Dran, Mike Krahulik as Jim Darkmagic, Scott Kurtz as Binwin Bronzebottom, and Wil Wheaton as Aeofel Elhromane. It begins shortly after the end of Season Four.
Season Synopsis[1][]
The adventure opens to the bored party of Acqusitions Inc. still residing in the basement of The Silver Unicorn in Fallcrest. Wisera Osterman is soon to sell the establishment, which means the crew needs to find a new base of operations. A magic mouth appears on the wall of the cellar while the party is reminiscing about the good old days. A volleyball is spat out from the magic mouth and on the volleyball has a message written on it.
James,
I'm writing this letter on a football because we're out of scrolls. Valkar was supposed to pick up some at the store but he fell asleep and forgot. He's dreadfully out of sorts these days and more drunk than usual I'm afraid. It is with heavy heart that I tell you that Grandpa Jim has passed on. The family gathers presently at the estate in Newhamp Shire. It would be all kinds of banana-pancakes awesome if you could join us for the reading of the will. All of your cousins are here, the living ones anyway, my have they grown and fair Olivia has turned into quite the busty bombshell. She would be tickled to see you I'm sure. Of course I meant that in the good way and not the bad way. It's been so long since your last visit, I know you find the old house tiresome but I'd be...whoops I've run out of football. Be a good boy and don't keep old Snarl waiting. Love, Grandma.
The party agrees to travel to Jim's family estate for the reading of his grandfather will, via the family dracolich Kronk who lands in the streets. An old crone out in the street screams out to Jim as they take out to "Watch out for the Wartstaffs". It's revealed that Jim is actually Jim Darkmagic III as both his father and grandfather held that title.
When the party arrives it would seem that there has been some kind of delivery to the mansion, according to the family manservant several cratefuls of hamburger meat. The company assembles in the foyer of the manor where more crates of raw hamburger have been stacked. A Dwarf named Dimsy Ironwick, the 'handydwarf', who hits it off with Binwin. The party enters the foyer and meets the family cat, Gygax. Olivia, Jim's cousin, comes down the stairs to reunite. Olivia, in chatting with the party reveals that her brother Percival cannot see or hear Fey creatures (in this case Aeofel). When Jim and his party sits down at the dinner table, Percival starts a spat with Jim over his sudden reappearance at the Darkmagic estate. Once the entirety of the family arrives at the dinner table including all of Jim's aunts and cousins, the family Lawyer Mr. Khan begins to read the will of Jim's grandfather.
I James Tarthanian Darkmagic the first, hereby declare this to be my last will and testament. To my darling wife Dolores I leave the ancestral mausoleum and my financial investment portfolio. To Martha, Wanda, and Gorgon the unhappy widows of my three dear boys, I leave; the sun, the moon, and the stars. Do with them as you will. To my granddaughter, Olivia, I leave the hope that you will find a wizard of caring demeanour and firm wand to marry and to love. Someone with an appreciation for great beauty and caution to balance your wild nature. To my granddaughter Wretched and grandson Hideous I leave nothing but the wish that you grow up to become powerful wizards and master of your own fortunes beyond the reach of your miserable and undeserving mothers' grasping talons. To my grandson, James the third, I leave the remainder of my worldly possessions including my name, the family estate and household staff in Newhamp Shire, Kronk the dragon, my cat Gygax, and my secret chest. You above all others carry the burden and the promise of the Darkmagic legacy, guard it well as I have done.
At the end of the reading, Percival stands up indignantly asking whether he is mentioned in the will. Learning that he has been entirely passed over by 'grandpa Jim', Percival swears revenge and storms out of the room with Olivia and Clatterby following soon after. Jim opens his secret chest and gushes over his newfound riches with the rest of the crew. Jim retrieves three books titled: The Manual of Awesome vol. 1-3 as well as 'grandpa Jim's' wand. Despite the growing animosity at the table, Jim insists that he and his friends stay for dinner. Wretched, Hideous, and Gorgon depart. It's revealed that Dolores was truly a Wartstaff who married into the Darkmagic family.
The house begins to shake and tremble and a terrible ripping noise erupts throughout the manor. The house seems to have left NewhampShire and is tearing itself to pieces. Omin rushes into the foyer and looking through the large windows into what used to be the garden is instead some kind of void. Percival is standing at the top of the stairs opposite the dining room operating the massive crystal ball navigating the house through spacetime. After trading insults, the party rolls initiative and the fight for the Darkmagic legacy begins. Percival shocks Aeofel with Olivia's help while Clatterby guards the stairs. Jim opens an arcane gate between Binwin near the entrance to the dining room and the second level behind Percival. Binwin rushes through the newly opened gate and slashes at Percival with his axe. As Percival is knocked over his staff casts a shearing beam of lightning that rips through the ceiling which brings down a cascade of gold from the gap all across the foyer. After getting smacked around by Aeofel, Percival sues for peace throwing his staff down the staircase.
While discussing whether or not to kill Percival, Jim asks his crew not to harm his cousin, at this time Aunt Wanda rushes into the room crying and reveals that Percival is actually Jim's brother. Aunt Wanda 'stole' Percival and Olivia out of Jim's mother's womb to finally have children of his own. The party is figuring out the best way to leave when they are interrupted by Gygax the cat who is actually an evil spy for the Wartstaff family. From the chests of hamburger come exploding four reanimated minotaurs. Gygax threatens Jim and demands he hand over the books of awesome. Jim kills Gygax with an immediate Magic Missile and slaughters two of the minotaurs. Omin finishes the last two minotaurs with a spectacular Turn Undead. Jim tried to fix the status of the house's hurling through the void where the adventure ends on a cliffhanger.
Season Details[]
Locations[]
Non-Player Characters[]
- Wisera Osterman
- Snarl, the Darkmagic family Coachman
- Valkar the Magnificent, Tiefling manservant of the Darkmagic estate
- Kronk, the Darkmagic family skeletal dragon
- Dimsy Ironwick, the family 'handydwarf'
- Olivia Darkmagic, Jim's cousin
- Percy Darkmagic, Jim's cousin
- Gygax, the Darkmagic family cat
- Clatterby, the Darkmagic animated suit of armor
- Dolores Darkmagic, Jim's Grandmother
- Aunt Wanda Darkmagic, Percival & Olivia's mother
- Aunt Gorgon Darkmagic, mother of Wretched and Hideous
- Wretched Darkmagic and Hideous Darkmagic, Jim's two younger cousins
- Jim Darkmagic I, Jim's grandfather
- Mr. Khan, Darkmagic family lawyer (a stone golem)
- Martha Darkmagic, Jim's mother currently suffering an intense mental episode
[]
Player Statistics[]
| Character | Critical Hits | Critical Misses | Damage Dealt | Damage Taken | Last Hits* | Downs** |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Omin Dran | 0 | 0 | 10 | 0 | 3 | 0 |
| Binwin Bronzebottom | 0 | 1 | 31 | 0 | 0 | 0 |
| Jim Darkmagic | 1 | 0 | 21 | 0 | 3 | 0 |
| Aeofel Elrohmane | 0 | 1 | 19 | 20 | 0 | 0 |
| DM: Chris Perkins | 0 | 0 | N/A | N/A | N/A | N/A |
*Last Hits are any instance where the attack or effect from one PC has Downed or Killed an NPC. Not which PC was most responsible for those kills.
**Downs are considered any instance where a PC is taken down to 0 hp or lower. This is not Player Character death which is exceedingly rare.